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Why did the philosopher become a locksmith?

He wanted to find the key to happiness.

1989

What will happen if the San Andreas Fault causes an earthquake?

It will be covered by no-fault insurance.

607

What did Bill's father answer when Bill asked if he understood what an eclipse is?

No, son.

2279

What's the difference between a couple who are dating and a fire?

When the couple goes out, it progresses. When the fire goes out, it ends.

1427

What are hotdogs called when they are cold?

Hotdogs.

2153

What vitamin is good for the eyes?

Vitamin see.

587

What did the procrastinator tell those who said he'd never get anywhere?

"You just wait!"

2220

Why did the glass and the dish in the sink get along so well with each other?

Because they were in sync with each other.

2900

Why was Charlie so concerned when he found a hole in his bag of marbles that he never noticed before?

He thought that he might be losing his marbles.

698

Why did Joe, in his new job, feel like the wheels of a car?

He felt tired and under pressure.

943

Why is the location of the letter 'I' very important in marriage?

It's the difference between 'marriage' and 'mirage', and 'marital arts' and 'martial arts'.

2355

What is this person doing?

He's scraping the bottom of the barrel.

2733