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Akiva Lane
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When Ellie Smith married Darth Vader why did she feel things were going up?

She became Ellie Vader.

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Akiva Lane
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What fairy tale is about using puns in rap music?

Rap-pun-zel.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Sam dislike going across the bridge on the way to work?

He found that every day it took its toll.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it called when the detergent is on the top shelf?

High Tide.

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What does the Garden of Eden, New York City, Granny Smith, and Cuppertino have in common?

Apples

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the therapist keep a bell in his office?

If what he said didn't ring a bell with the patient, he could ring the bell for the patient.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Arnold always bet at the same race track?

He had a one-track mind.

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Akiva Lane
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What is it like in a place where everyone lives in tents?

Intensity.

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Akiva Lane
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What is getting internet sales for scary movies called?

Eeek! commerce.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the philosopher become a locksmith?

He wanted to find the key to happiness.

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Akiva Lane
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What does China and Turkey have in common?

They raise red flags.

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Shane Ronay
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Why did John think he had Type O blood, when he really had Type A?

His birth records had a Type O.

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