Pictures:

Why did Alan make sure his deck wasn't empty when he played with his kids?

He wanted to make sure he was playing with a full deck.

1738

What happens if you ask your builder not to carpet the steps in your house?

He'll give you a blank stair.

1233

What was the message on the chiropractor's answering machine?

We'll get BACK to you.

241

How can we know when someone is ready for dating?

When their dating resume is UP TO DATE!

2576

Why did the plumber do this in response to the judge?

He thought the judge asked for water in the court.

3284

What did the lottery operator do when a group of actors won the lottery?

She counted her lucky stars.

458

Why did Sir Edmund Hillary climb Mount Everest?

It peaked his interest.

2519

What is an army of babies called?

Infantry.

87

Why didn't Jerry want to buy a car without a clutch?

He regarded it as shiftless.

879

What was the slogan of the resort on the mountain?

Come up, and calm down.

2147

Why didn't the cat go to the doctor?

It was feline fine.

1756

How did Frank's hitch-hiking trip go?

It went without a hitch.

1400