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Why did the guy on a date bring an elephant with him?

He wanted to have appeal.

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Why was the carpet depressed?

It felt a lack of respect because everyone walked all over it.

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What kind of phone do prisoners use?

Cell phones.

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How do you describe a bar that got bad reviews?

The booze got boos.

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In 1900 two brothers tried to make an airplane, why did they fail?

Because they were the wrong brothers.

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What's a good marketing tagline for Budweiser?

Taste Buds!

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Why did Jill often find it difficult to find her sneakers?

She suspected that it was because they were sneaking around the house.

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Why did the philosopher become a locksmith?

He wanted to find the key to happiness.

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What is a doctor called that treats conditions caused by ticks?

A tick doc.

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Did Sodom and Gomorrah deserve their punishment?

Moral less.

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What do you call a collie with a flower in its hair and eating melon?

Melancholy Cauliflower

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How did Joe feel when he reached to pick up a stick, and it turned out to be a rattlesnake?

He felt rattled.

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