Pictures:

Which device measures carbohydrates?

A carburetor

841

What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?

Stationary.

1925

What do you call a bruise that one gets from falling on Halloween?

A boo-boo.

3030

Why did Jerry avoid taking hot baths?

He tried to avoid things that would get him into hot water.

1957

Why was the football team surprised when their opponents punted the football?

They thought there was no punt intended.

3071

How did the elder people like the larger playing cards?

For them it was a big deal.

1161

Why did the head of the school demand respect?

It was the principle of the thing.

2124

What is it called when a mystic is hopeful about the future?

Opti-mistic.

95

How do you describe a seagull that believes everything you say?

Gullible.

2822

Why was the hot dog happy?

Because it was on a roll.

208

Why was this year's Chili Cook-off cancelled?

Somebody spilled the beans.

1266

What's the best time to create a virtual loaf of bread?

E-leaven.

1319