Pictures:

What food is good for protecting a house?

Lox.

1743

Why did the judge put the man in jail for stealing from the bakery?

Evidence showed he really took the cake.

198

Why did Martha like circles?

Because it has the best all-around shape.

402

What did the man say after a meteor destroyed his house?

This really hit home.

2175

What do you call a holy man who walks barefoot and has bad breath from fasting so much?

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

254

How did the Teddy Bear feel after dinner?

It felt stuffed.

2999

Why did the luxury home builder use only inexpensive laminate kitchen countertops?

He lost his marbles

216

How did Billy feel when the cookies got smashed?

He felt crummy.

733

What is a person called who knows a lot about eggs?

An eggs-pert.

1112

What is it called when a leak is fixed in the ceiling?

Sealing the ceiling.

2362

Why can't you trust a school system that has no one running the schools?

They have no principles.

2303

What is it called when someone had a good date, and tells you about it?

An update.

2186