Pictures:

How does one get men to listen?

Stress to "He'd" his words.

1483

What happens when a hit ball that collides with a bird?

It's ruled a fowl ball

898

How did the lawyers refer to the case of the pillow company being sued?

The pillow case.

1825

What did Alan say about his daughter traveling so much after she won the state's beauty contest?

I miss miss Missouri.

1965

What is it called when you're on a boat and invite people to play and no one shows up?

You're not playing with a full deck.

2428

What do garbanzo beans have in common with a sedative for chickens?

Chick peace.

2312

Is there general agreement that people are born with a desire to take whatever they want?

A greed.

1368

Why is it difficult to build submarines?

Whatever you build is sub-standard.

1802

Why did Amanda enjoy re-reading books by James Joyce?

She liked re-Joyce-ing.

1985

What does getting up in the morning have to do with Newton's laws of motion?

A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

1868

What is ironic when we eat food because we don't want it to go to waste?

Often that's the food that DOES go to waist.

2472

What is the result if you combine a sweet pie and a sharp onion?

You get an O-PI-NION that is both sweet and sharp.

1692