Pictures:

What are the odds that this man will slim down?

A fat chance.

380

Why did the Mexican man take anti-anxiety medication?

For hispanic attacks.

431

Why do electricians monitor the news so closely?

To keep current.

239

Why did the injured man show no emotion for 6 weeks?

He'd broken both his humerus and sternum.

1067

What is this man doing?

He's "piering" down

1504

Why did the baker receive a list of duties from his boss one at a time?

They were given on a knead to know basis.

1497

Where in Manhattan are you most likely to find a spot for your car?

Central Park

1089

Why was the lady afraid to get her head measured at sea?

She was afraid of cap sizing.

190

Which sea creature is not friendly to other sea creatures?

Anemone

261

How long must one walk a dog that lives indoors?

Until they're pooped.

2548

What are abortions called in Czechoslovakia?

Cancelled Czechs

2116

How do billboards communicate with each other?

Sign language

206