Pictures:

Why was the lady afraid to get her head measured at sea?

She was afraid of cap sizing.

190

What do mermaids use to wash their fins?

Tide

2518

What's the most dangerous thing to read in Braille?

DO NOT TOUCH!

1223

Why was a homeless man invited to join the London Symphony Orchestra??

They needed someone to play an 'oboe'.

823

Why did this guy think he'd be good at bartending?

He came from a "pour" family.

2523

What did the uninitiated tourist think when he visited here?

People were talking to the wall.

638

What happened to the man driving with a broken tail pipe?

He became exhausted.

828

What's wrong with overseeing a coatroom in July?

Nobody has hang-ups.

1075

What type of shop specializes in watch components that are accurate up to the minute?

A second-hand store.

707

How did this farmer increase his bottom line?

He added a new machine to cut celeries.

1806

What is the status of one's yard after cleaning up after the dog?

It's dooty-free.

1009

What happens to dairy cows when they die?

They get CREAMated.

1059