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When did the mother of a newborn boy wake up?

At son rise.

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Why did Betty enjoy the Uber ride?

It gave her a lift.

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What was the double-jointed acrobat very good at?

Patting himself on the back.

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What is the name of the rock band that sings about failure?

Rock Bottom

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Why didn't the cafeteria label their trays A, B, C, D, etc?

Because the second one would be 'betray'.

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Why is it best to avoid jealousy?

Because it ends with lousy.

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What is the air-conditioning system in a baseball stadium called?

Baseball fans.

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Why wasn't Lucy happy about her schedule?

Because she was so busy, it wasn't funny.

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What is a well after the repairman fixes it?

Well adjusted.

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What is it called when a leak is fixed in the ceiling?

Sealing the ceiling.

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Why did the employee make sure he never signed his name twice?

He was concerned that if he re-signed, he'd be out of a job.

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When you add up numbers, and are amazed at the result, what is that called?

Awe sum.

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