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What did the bike rider say to his friend after smashing into him by mistake?

I didn't expect to run into you here.

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Why was the singer embarrassed to go on stage and perform?

Because he was a little horse, and he had a frog in his throat.

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What is the difference between a child and Shakespeare?

One is involved with play, and the other is involved with plays.

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Why did the person who smoked too much go to Istanbul on a cold day right after Thanksgiving?

Because he wanted to go cold Turkey.

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Why did Olivia avoid eating almonds, cashews, and pecans?

Because they were nuts.

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How did Arnold react when he got the job as conductor of the orchestra?

It was music to his ears.

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What fruit must get formally married?

Cantaloupe

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What is a travelogue video about Berkeley called?

You See Berkeley

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What do shoes and noses have in common?

They both smell.

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Do you ever see herds of animals roam cities?

It's practically unherd of.

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What is similar about doctors' situations before and after they graduate from medical school?

First they need patience, and then they need patients.

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When we admit our sins, why should we feel a sense of regret?

It's the price of admission.

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