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Akiva Lane
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What is someone called who is so good at finding things, that people pay for searching?

Profound.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the conversation go between a patient and the doctor who wanted him to cut down on mayonnaise?

Mayonnaise? No you may not.

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Akiva Lane
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Bill saved his pennies all year to buy a present for his wife, and brought them to a store, and do you know what he got?

A hernia.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jim write a last will and testament?

Because where there is a will there's a way.

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Akiva Lane
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What do you call a hyphen that is the size of a football field?

A hundred yard dash.

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What do you call someone who is always drinking coffee?

A caf-fiend.

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Akiva Lane
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When Shakespeare had writer's block, what was his motto?

Where there's a Will, there's a way.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Charlie feel when he lost his list of things to do?

He felt listless.

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How are computer disk drives different than car traffic?

It's good when disk drives are backed up, but it's not good when traffic is backed up.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Elliot's investment in the chicken farm work out?

It took him a while to re-coop his investment.

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Akiva Lane
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Why should baggage with wheels not be called luggage?

Because it is wheeled and not lugged around.

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Why did Sir Edmund Hillary climb Mount Everest?

It peaked his interest.

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