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Akiva Lane
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What is up and down at the same time?

When you go to sleep drunk, and feel down when you wake up with a hangover.

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Akiva Lane
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How did Jim feel when he walked barefoot on seashells at the beach?

He was shell shocked.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did the chiropractor avoid doing anything too experimental with his patients?

He was concerned it might backfire.

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Why do violinists put rosin on their violin bows?

It makes the violins rosin-ate.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Jill buy a Jiffy car?

Because she wanted to go places and come back in a jiffy.

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Akiva Lane
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Why is the word 'laptop' misleading?

It shouldn't be used on the lap, because of the heat and radiation it generates to the body.

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Akiva Lane
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How did the smoker, who craved a cigarette, feel when he got to smoke one?

Nicotine in the nick of time.

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Akiva Lane
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When you are very tired and need to rest, where should you go?

A rest room.

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Akiva Lane
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What fish is married to an uncle?

Aunt Chovies

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What did the waiter say when the customer sent the food back to the kitchen?

Thanks for the feedback.

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Why did the police enter the comedy club?

The comedian was a riot.

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What's another way of saying that it seems that I have 4 pears?

It appears that I have a pair of a pair of pears.

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