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Akiva Lane
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Why did Bill take sleeping lessons?

He wanted to sleep well.

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Akiva Lane
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Where do you go when it's night and you're in bed and you're tired?

You go to sleep.

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Akiva Lane
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Why did Marsha like to read on the steps of the NY Public Library?

She believed that for meaning, you have to read between the lions.

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Akiva Lane
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What is a book about Elon Musk and Henry Ford called?

Auto Biography.

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Akiva Lane
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What runs but stays in the same place?

A nose, a watch, and a faucet.

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Akiva Lane
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Why didn't the actor work on Passover?

He couldn't have any roles.

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Akiva Lane
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When the teacher said there's no such thing in English as a double positive making a negative, how did a student respond?

Yeah, right.

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the investor's nickname 'Yeast'?

Because wherever he put bread, it would rise.

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Akiva Lane
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What it is called when California hi-tech companies fool people in a ridiculous way?

Silly Con Valley

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Akiva Lane
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Why was the conductor proud of the orchestra he started?

He was very instrumental in its formation.

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Akiva Lane
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How is a donkey being pulled similar to Mickey Mantle?

They are both yank-ees.

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Akiva Lane
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What is the name of the rock band that sings about failure?

Rock Bottom

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