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Akiva Lane
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Why are we held accountable for what we eat?

Because a person can choose what he chews.

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Why did Jim and Beth take one evening a week from their family life to eat dates?

Because that was their date night.

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What is it called when sugar cane rebels against the farmer?

The cane mutiny.

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What is a prosecutor that doesn't respect defendants rights called?

A persecutor.

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Akiva Lane
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Why can't one say that all Generals are good at what they do?

Because that would be a generalization.

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What excuse can be used by a person who drinks too much?

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

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What is a person from the planet Noyd?

Annoyed.

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Why do shoes sneeze when they get hot?

They become hot-shoes!

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How do we know that the ancient Egyptians were not honest?

They were into pyramid schemes.

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If two eyes are labeled A and B, what eye is smarter?

A Eye

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What type of mystic has a positive view of the future?

An opti-mystic.

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What happened when Max’s wife asked him to get plums from the grocery store?

He plum forgot.

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